Insights Into Failure And Beyond
Insights Into Failure And Beyond
Recently, I've been looking at Failure.
What is it? What is the nature of failure? How do we know if we failed?
Is failing just not doing something?
I got really curious because the idea of failure seems to be a stumbling block for a lot of people (myself included). Is all we are holding back from just an "idea" or is there a real thing out there called failure?
Could I fail on purpose? Could I get better at failing?
Hmmm....Let the adventures begin!
One of the first things I noticed in trying to fail was that I would tell myself most days that I "didn't get anything done" and so felt like a failure. But had I actually failed at anything that day?
In reality, I was doing all kinds of things and getting lots of tasks done. Moving many projects forward. And yet, at the end of every day telling myself I didn't do enough. "I didn't get anything done, again". Sometimes it was in relation to a particular project that I hadn't had time to work on and most times it was completely made up.
All of a sudden, it looked to me as if, somehow, I thought believing I hadn't done enough, or really "anything at all", would cause me to be freshly more motivated to do even more the next day. I can tell you from years of this, this kind of strategy doesn't motivate, inspire or invigorate at ALL! Rather, the feeling at the end of each day is a sinking sick feeling - a subtle sinking sick feeling. But still a sinking and a sickness and so much tiredness. So, I was working hard each day to avoid a feeling of failure that I was making up. Holy crap!
Given that all feelings we have on this level are made of our habitual thinking to begin with, trying to motivate and inspire myself to new levels of creativity and productivity this way is just insane. And wildly ineffective.
Once seen, it just drops away.
All humans are fantastic at dropping what we truly see as not working or not helping. If we continue to do something it's either because we don't notice it or we notice and think we need it for some reason. For years I would hear myself saying "I just didn't get anything done today". I thought that if I was able to accurately judge the completed tasks each day then I would just bed rot forever after. Lol. That's not true!
One of our superpowers, as human beings, is noticing ourselves in this way. Once we get wise to how we create our believed realities with our habitual thinking, it gets very easy to spot the sketchy games we play on ourselves. Once spotted and recognized for the suspect thinking it is, it drops away. That's the nature of thought. I love not having to sift through thinking to figure out how it got set up originally. Or why I thought that. This only keeps those sketchy games alive.
To stop playing that game, you realize you don't want it anymore and you stop. Simple. And often revolutionary in our culture of analyzing everything.
Next, I started to see all kinds of other areas where I was holding back from fear of failure or fear of bothering someone or fear of other made-up ideas. I could see that I'm really good at creating a problem in thought and then acting as if it's real.
All week, I attempted to fail and never really did. It came down to I either did something or I didn't. A person either said yes or they said no. Sometimes someone wouldn't get back to me and I made up that they were angry. Sometimes I started doing something and it took longer than I made up that it would take. Sometimes I had to find a different way of getting the outcome I wanted.
Perhaps I failed to achieve a certain outcome in a certain amount of time. But had I ACTUALLY failed? Not really.
I failed at getting a demo version of some software to function properly and so uninstalled it. This was frustrating and felt like I'd failed. The only risk was the feeling of frustration.
This week I realized that a lot of what I don't start and hold back from in life is to protect myself from feelings or from feelings I think other people might have. I prejudge and then don't begin.
That’s it? REALLY? All that sick sinking failure feeling, tension, and stress only to protect from an imagined feeling of frustration? Or someone else being bothered? I don't even care that much about momentary frustration because I know it will pass pretty quickly. I don't even really care that much about ANY momentary feelings because I know they all pass pretty quickly. I'm also pretty sure that other people can survive the feeling of bother. If that was to happen at all.
I also know that our core essence as human beings remains untouched and whole by any feeling or experience in the moment. We are the force of life itself incarnate, powerful beyond measure.
So, insights from trying to fail for a week are:
1) Failure is an idea we make up.
2) I either do something or I don’t.
3) A request to someone else either goes somewhere or it doesn't.
4) I don't always finish tasks in the time I estimate it will take.
5) I can waste a lot of time and life energy trying to protect myself from feelings that are natural and momentary.
6) I can waste a lot of time and life energy trying to protect others from imagined bother.
All in all, this is absolutely fantastic! It means that I have the freedom to go out and create and attempt anything I want to at all. Nothing bad will happen if I don't end up where I think I want to end up. Nothing bad will happen if I end up where I think I want to end up!
And, better yet, I will likely create a lot of cool stuff along the way and have a lot of fun adventures. Who knows what awesome things will happen? I sure don't.
What would you go out and try if failure wasn't an option on the menu of life and if all feelings were natural and momentary to feel?
With Love,
Sara Joy